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Today's Bartcop Entertainment column

Scooter Libby: Worse Then Alger Hiss
Republicans are always soft on crime... when its theirs

Old political axiom from Harry Truman: When your opponent is self-destructing, try not to get in the way.
New political axiom for the sleaziest administration on record: Kick 'em when they're down before they wiggle out of it.

If the ramifications weren't so serious, the news of the last few months would be fun to talk about.


You might think that the Democrats would be making political hay while the harsh sun of truth is shining on the Republicans. Some, to be sure, as people are having buyer's remorse about George W. Bush. The Oct. 13, 2005 NBC/WSJ poll has Bush's approval ratings among African-Americans at 2%. Perhaps only Condi Rice has nice things to say about him. The 2% is within the margin of error of the poll, so it's possible even Dr. Rice has abandoned him and he has no support among blacks. It makes me wonder: Why is Bush's overall approval rating as high as 40%. Just who the heck is stupid enough to still believe anything ol' No Balls Bush has to say? The Democrats need to come out swinging, to demand accountability, to protect our troops and the homefront, to ensure that taxpayer dollars are spent wisely. The few Democrats who are calling for the Republicans to answer real questions are routinely shoved into the back pages of the conservative news media. John Kerry, Al Gore, Ted Kennedy and other brave honorable public servants have spoken out. But they make a small headline, perhaps buried, while the right-wing spin control makes headlines above the fold.

The problem is twofold: First, that these scandals aren't merely political power-grabbing, these charges involve taxpayer money and national security and a complete disrespect for our liberal American values. Our brave American soldiers are dying because Bush and the religious right are sure they know better than the will of the people. Republicans simply don't believe in Democracy, and conservatives don't believe in America. As 9/11 proved yet again, the conviction of misplaced faith is identical to the conviction of faith. The American system works when individuals have faith and government has accountability. The Republicans system reverses the American system in a despicable way: Individuals are held up to ridicule while government has a malleable brand of faith.

Second, that we have a hopelessly compliant news media who has been so cowed by the right-wing slime machine that they just repeat conservative talking points as if they were the real debate. No one holds our "elected" officials accountable. Most of the guests are either extreme right-wing Republicans or moderate Democrats. The talking heads sound like playground bullies from third grade. Conservatives are ruled by their sphincters.

Right now, the GOP slime machine is out in full force, attempting to smear prosecutors and backpedalling on the charges filed. "He's not guilty, besides, his crime was minor." Don't let them get away with managing the debate.

If even three of the five indictments so far lead to convictions, that will make Lewis "Scooter" Libby a bigger traitor than Alger Hiss, who was convicted on two counts of perjury. Not the original charge of espionage, it should be noted, so Libby fares worse on that bit of spin too. Further, Hiss' charges were more than a little circumstantial and his guilt is still being debated. I might also point out that The Soviet Union was our ally in WWII, and so helping defeat Hitler and Nazi Germany was more important than removing Saddam Hussein from power. (You can hear the conservative's sphincters clench just thinking about it...)

The comparison of Scooter Libby to Alger Hiss is not perfect, and much depends on his convictions, if any, but I think it's a fair counter argument to the GOP slime machine. Whether you think Hiss is guilty or not, the fact remains that on his watch Hitler was defeated and the Soviet Union was contained. And the fact remains that on Libby's watch the US went to war under false pretenses and Osama bin Laden escaped and the threat from Al Queda is growing.

You can usually tell what the Republicans are up to by what they accuse the Democrats of doing. So listen carefully... and don't let them get away with lying.

Here are a few useful phrases to sling back at dittoheads:

These aren't major charges. He wasn't even indicted for leaking the name of the CIA agent.


a) So, you're soft on crime?

b) So you agree that Alger Hiss was railroaded?

c) Perjury and Obstruction of Justice aren't major crimes in what legal system?


He's innocent until proven guilty.

So, you've flip-flopped your position? Or do you finally agree that the Clinton administration was squeaky clean: Lots of politically motivated charges, no convictions on any serious charges. Remember Whitewater? Didn't think so. (And then don't let them get away with only talking about Clinton, keep bringing the subject back to Libby and Rove and Bush and co.)


The prosecutor is politicizing crime.

Why didn't these indictments come down a year ago, before we "re-elected" these lying scumbags?


This essay really needs to be longer, with a more comprehensive list of GOP political correctness and how to counter their lies. But I don't get paid as well as Rush/Rove/Coulter/Scooter et al. Countering a media spin campaign funded by Big Oil must take place from the ground up.

George W. Bush just doesn't give a damn. He, and the idiot ideologues he surrounds himself with, are only in it for money and power. He doesn't care about -- isn't aware of -- the real problems facing the country. Anytime a real issue comes up, he just runs away, then lies about it.

With Judith Miller pretty much proving that journalism in any real sense is dead, it's up to us humorists to tell the real story, even if we have to do it from a rather odd perspective. The Onion has consistently skewered everyone and everything, and isn't about to take a threat lying down. A "real" story, from the CNN site: White House to Onion: Stop Using Seal. The Onion's response: Laura Bush: I Just Wish I Could Stop Shitting Blood. Was this a direct response to the bullying, uncaring Bush administration's un-American stomping on the First Amendment? I dunno, but more power to 'em.
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